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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28131618">but never goodbye</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovemoon/pseuds/lovemoon'>lovemoon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>ANGST ???, Childhood Friends, Flashbacks, M/M, Past Character Death, Promises, i literally have no idea how to tag i'm sorry, inspired by taylor swift - daylight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:28:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,760</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28131618</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovemoon/pseuds/lovemoon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Beomie, will you marry me?” Yeonjun proposes.</p><p>The younger giggles. “Ask me again in ten years. We’re too young to get married, silly.”</p><p>They were nine then. Now it’s ten years later, and Yeonjun plans on fulfilling Beomgyu’s command. </p><p>Except Beomgyu's not there anymore.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>but never goodbye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You’re a stubborn brat, you know that?” Yeonjun crouches slowly. “You made me wait ten years.” He places the flowers down. “And you’re not even here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun sighs for the nth time that evening. Without even thinking about getting his new suit dirty, he sits himself on the dewy grass, looking at the tombstone in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess it’s too late to ask now.” Yeonjun hangs his head, looking down at his crossed legs. “Remember how we first met? It was here, actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They did meet in a cemetery. At Yeonjun’s father’s funeral.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>`</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With his mother’s hand engulfing his petite one, six year old Choi Yeonjun walks over to his father’s grave. When the news broke out to his family, Yeonjun was the only one who didn’t cry. A toddler didn’t cry at his father’s passing. The sole reason being was he had absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>no idea</span>
  </em>
  <span> what was going on. Being merely confused, Yeonjun just followed whatever his mom was doing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The neighbors living directly next to them, other Chois, were family friends. Yeonjun’s father was best friends with the mother next door. A very big coincidence, as they practically grew up together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun never had many friends. He would wander around, going from place to place trying to find some sort of entertainment. The other kids on the street didn’t want anything to do with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one wanted to play with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he always stuck by his mom’s side. She was the only one around.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bearing through the sobs of everyone around him, five year old Choi Beomgyu yawned. He was tired, not happy with the fact that he was dragged to this mannered event with no say of his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu was always an independent kid. Not wanting to skip rope or hopscotch with the other kids on the block, he stayed in his room. He spent hours reading, uninterested in being disturbed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was tempted to bring a book to the funeral. But being only five, it was taken out of his hands before he could even grab it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu tugged at his mom’s flowy black dress, whining. He was ready to go home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a bit longer, Gyu-ah.” She squeezed her son’s puny hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu groaned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yah, have a little sympathy, Gyu. Why don’t you go over there with Yeonjun, hm? He’s at the tire swing, go.” His mom gives him a little nudge to the park a few yards to their right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Knowing he’s powerless over this decision, he trudges over slowly. He can hear his dad’s footsteps behind him, figuring that he was also sent by his mom to look after him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun almost immediately spots Beomgyu’s little figure when he’s walking towards him. Getting excited, he hops off the tire swing and stands straight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to greet me,” Beomgyu brushes past the older, sitting down on the tire. He pushes his glasses up his nose bridge and looks around. “Why are you here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh m-my mom brought me here,” Yeonjun stutters, a little flustered that the dark haired cut introductions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I mean, here. At the tire swing. It’s your father’s funeral.” Beomgyu says, already bored.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My father’s what?” The six year old asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Funeral. You know what that is, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun slouches. “No.” He pouts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Well, this is unfortunate.” Beomgyu sighs. “Hyung, your dad is dead. We’re here to mourn</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>you probably don’t know what that word means</span>
  <span>—and </span>
  <span>be all sad about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All the color from Yeonjun’s face drains away. “You’re lying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish I was. I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t,” Beomgyu mutters the last part under his breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Out of anger, denial, and bafflement, Yeonjun pushes the younger off the tire swing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not a very good impression. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last thing Yeonjun remembers from that day were parents rushing over to the two kids, and him sobbing endless tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His dad was gone, and he had to find out from the boy next door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>`</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After that day, our parents kept setting up times for us to go and play.” Yeonjun dryly chuckles. “Who would do that, you know? Who would make two kids sit together and have fun when one of them pushed the other off a tire swing?” Yeonjun picks at the grass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But nonetheless, I’m glad they did.” He whispers. “We spent the rest of our lives together. We planned out our future together when we were fourteen. We were supposed to live in a big house in Busan with a dog.” Yeonjun’s voice fades away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That all went to waste, huh.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun basks in the silence around him, only the birds chirping in the sky being audible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, so. When we were nine. Let’s talk about that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>`</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the three years of forced playdates, the two boys actually formed a friendship. Somehow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whatever it was that took over Yeonjun that day, he took a ring pop from the pantry and met Beomgyu at their treehouse in the backyard of their two residents. He unwrapped the treat and stuffed the wrapper in his jacket pocket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyungie, look! The blue jays are back!” Beomgyu looks out the small opening they carved, and sighs dreamily. “They’re so beautiful…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun coughs, gaining Beomgyu’s attention to be on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beomie, will you marry me?” Yeonjun proposes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The younger giggles. “Ask me again in ten years. We’re too young to get married, silly.” Beomgyu stands up from his kneeling position. “But I’ll gladly take the ring pop, thank you.” He places a small kiss on the other’s cheekbone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun smiles softly. He can wait ten years. If it’s for Beomgyu, he can wait.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun ruffles the shorter’s hair and goes to look out the window at the blue jays. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Do you love blue jays more than me?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>`</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know why I did that. I don’t know why I proposed.” Yeonjun admits. “There was nothing even </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> was aware of that could’ve led me to do that, but I guess I just did.” Yeonjun smiles sadly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you?” Yeonjun looks up at the sky. “Do you love blue jays more than me? You always talked about them, found them so incredibly fascinating. I wanted the attention you gave the blue jays.” Yeonjun runs his fingers through his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you know I dyed my hair blue because of that? You asked, ‘why blue?’ and I said it was because it was my favorite color. That was a lie.” Yeonjun adds. “I wanted your attention. We were 15 then. You still loved blue jays.” Yeonjun reminisces.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, I miss you so much. Why did you have to go on the plane? Hell, why did you even leave me in the first place. We were supposed to grow up together, be together through everything. Do you know how many times I cried when you left for the states?” Yeonjun rants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Every day when I woke up and every night before I went to sleep.” Yeonjun’s voice wavers. “You were my only friend.” He whispers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were both alone for different reasons, Gyu. You didn’t like social interaction. Not one person wanted anything to do with me. Frankly, I’m not sure how you put up with me your entire life.” Yeonjun chuckles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And now you’re gone.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>`</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun was sixteen when he realized he was head over heels for his best friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the small things. The way Beomgyu fixed his hair with his pinky, the way he would pout if he was confused on something, or even when he woke up in the morning and the first thing he would do was to cling onto his plushies and rest his head on them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was also the big things. How Beomgyu would always listen attentively to whatever Yeonjun had to rant about that day, or how he would go all out in buying presents for birthdays or Christmas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beomgyu was, in Yeonjun’s eyes, perfect. Not a single flaw anywhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And maybe Yeonjun had always known it. From when they built their treehouse for the first time to when they went swimming at Han River for the last time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Most people say their childhood was a blur. That it went by too quickly. But for Yeonjun, he remembered every detail crystal clear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, perhaps only the moments spent with Beomgyu.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>`</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At age seventeen, Beomgyu made a promise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll never leave you, hyung. I promise. Not like the other kids. You, I actually like.” Beomgyu comforts, laying on Yeonjun’s chest. The comfort of each other’s cuddles were more than appreciated after they had just spent the past 20 minutes out playing in the rain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You promise?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise. Never ever will I leave you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>`</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Broke your goddamn promise.” Yeonjun resents. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, there’s a lot of things I’ll say to you. So many things, Gyu. In fact, I’ll probably come back tomorrow just to tell you what I had for breakfast.” Yeonjun stands up. He dusts his suit effortlessly, not caring about it much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll tell you a lot of things. But never goodbye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun reaches into his pocket and takes out a small box.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t say goodbye. Because I’m not going to leave you. Somewhere along the lines of middle school, our accidental kiss, and you moving away, I fell in love with you. You knew that, I knew you knew that.” Yeonjun takes a deep breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I bought this ring when you said you were flying back here. I realized it’s been ten years.” Yeonjun shifts the box to his right hand and tucks his left into his pocket. “I got a blue jay engraved into it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was going to propose again. Asked your parents and everything.” Yeonjun gets down on one knee. “This is so stupid.” He chuckles under his breath. He opens the box, looking at the dull and gray tombstone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beomie, will you marry me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why am I waiting for a response when I know he’s not even here…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you said yes. I’m giving this ring to you anyway. I’ll leave it in the treehouse.” Yeonjun shuts the box with one hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe the blue jays will take it and bring it to you.” Yeonjun looks out to the horizon. “It’s sunset now. You always liked sunrise better. You liked the daylight more.” He laughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything reminds me of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thinking back to other childhood memories from their movie nights to skipping classes together, Yeonjun looks down at the bouquet of flowers he placed down earlier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see you tomorrow, Beomgyu.” He hesitantly steps back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll never say goodbye.”</span>
</p>
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